I went to see a Star War

Last weekend, I paid heed to Lucille Bluth’s  evergreen suggestion and went to see a Star War. I have some thoughts on this Star War.

Full disclosure: I am a bit of a disgruntled hipster type person who gets annoyed by overzealous young Star Wars fans and/or anything that is over-hyped. I haven’t clicked on any of those “What you missed/ Star Wars trivia/ The Force Awakens Easter Eggs” links and apart from just having seen the movies, my opinions are not particularly educated. Because I sometimes like being inflammatory, I’ll add that I enjoyed the Phantom Menace, which was my first introduction to the saga many years ago. As a kid, I adored Jar Jar Binks- I still have warm feelings for that adorable clumsy Gungan and I think anyone in my age group who claims to detest him is a liar and a conformist. With all this out there, you may now conclude, rightfully so, that my thoughts on the movie count for nothing.

SPOILER ALERT, obviously.

WHAT I LIKED:

GURL POWER. The femaleness of the lead character has never been mentioned before; I must be the first person on the Internet to point it out. Rey, the gritty female scavenger from Jakku, is indomitable and extremely likable. Also, they didn’t put her in a skimpy outfit and chain her up to fulfill skeevy male fans’ creepy fantasies (yet), so that was good. She is a way better hero than Luke, that annoying whiny kid. She may succeed in displacing Padmé from the top of my favourite Star Wars human characters list.  

The cast. Daisy Ridley, who will be known as the Keira Knightley lookalike for the next decade, was perfect as Rey. I know it sucks, Daisy, but remember, Keira was the Natalie Portman lookalike many years ago. It’s the circle of Upcoming Hollywood Starlet Life. Who will be your lookalike? Only time will tell… John Boyega was endearing as the rebellious Stormtrooper, and what’s also great is that- this too has never been pointed out before- he is a protagonist who is not white. That Boy From Girls (Adam Driver) did an excellent job as Kylo Ren from the First Empire- it helps that he has the required creepy voice (You know the one- it’s kind of Snape-y). There was Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill (What’s your weight loss secret, Mark? Do male actors also get this question?), so that was good. I saw Carrie Fisher’s real life daughter standing behind her in some scenes, with a vacant expression, channeling Chanel#3 from Scream Queens, which obviously amused me more than it should. Gwendoline Christie in full body armour was a treat to those caught in the overlap between Star Wars and Middle-Earth Fantasy fandoms, but couldn’t we have seen her face for just one second? I was also confused for a while about Lupita Nyong’o’s appearance when we were given zero glimpse of her stunning face and acting. But overall, excellent cast.

WHAT I DIDN’T LIKE:

I really didn’t have to include a Spoiler Alert in this post, because we’ve seen it all before. This movie clearly just caters to fans rather than to a fresh audience because it relied purely on nostalgia. It was basically a remake of the original trilogy, but with added actors and way better special effects and a new cuter droid (sorry R2D2). But… it seems to be working. I get that being super creative and original would cause the whiny holier-than-thou fans to run around ripping their hair out screaming, “NOT AS GREAT AS THE ORIGINAL TRILOGY! STOP BRINGING SHAME UPON THE GALAXY! KILL JAR JAR! THE ORIGINAL TRILOGY!” so they just pretty much played it safe. Apart from the fact that Luke, Han and Leia gave gotten old and had a kid and stuff, the formula is the exact same. Also, what even was going on between Leia and Han? They were clearly terrible parents, but still, why weren’t they together? I still don’t like Luke; stop trying to be Obi-Wan, you suck, Luke. Just go join The Dark Side/ First Empire, Rey. They have better outfits, and you and Captain Phasma would make a killer team, GURL POWERR.

Supreme Grandpa Leader. Do you remember the leathery skin, red eyes and menacing grin of Palpatine? That was scary. The big wrinkly, bald man hologram looked more forgettable than sinister. Are we just going to use some variation of Voldemort as the big bad villain now? I don’t even remember his name. He’s now just that new Star Wars Dark Lord to me.

MISCELLANEOUS THOUGHTS:

I was so impressed by that 2 second-rising bread thing Rey made and I pray that this will be a reality someday.

I missed Han Solo’s entrance (Don’t ask; my bladder and I still aren’t talking), but his death made me sad for more than a few seconds. Bye, Han. You might have been a bad father, but at least Chewie loved you.

I could have done without Chewie’s heartbreaking roars on witnessing the death

He may not have freaked me out the way Darth Maul did (those horns, man), but I really love Kylo Ren. He seems inherently evil, like those creepy young white men with self-esteem issues who’d go around shooting women after their advances were spurned. His backstory may not be as tragic as Anakin’s, but I’m looking forward to learning what made him who he is. Until then, I’ll just assume Han and Leia forgot him somewhere for a few hours while they wandered away bickering.

Was Finn’s and Poe Dameron’s reunion way more joyous than necessary? Is their hasty bromance cuter than Finn’s and Rey’s relationship?

I got this total Harry Potter-discovering-Dumbledore’s-Pensieve vibe from the scene where Rey discovers Luke’s lightsaber.

CONCLUSIONS:

  1. This was an entertaining movie. I didn’t find it to be MIND-BLOWING OMG I’M CRYING IN THE THEATRE WHAT FINE CINEMATIC BRILLIANCE good, but I enjoyed every bit of it (except Chewie’s screams.
  2. It is literally impossible to keep the Star Wars fandom happy, .
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